her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
