there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
