i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
