I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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