Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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