I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
