The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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