you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
