Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
