xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
