I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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