Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
