On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im holly from the hills drunk
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
