@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
