Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
