If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
