At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
