It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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