I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
