is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
