You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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