apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
