It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You don't make any sense
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