I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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