I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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