he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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