Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
