I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
