The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
