whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
