It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
