What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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