At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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