I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
