Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
