fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
