i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
