you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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