when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
