I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
