i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
