i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
