there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He better not be in your backpack
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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