I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
