Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
