shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
