how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
