anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
