Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
