Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
