i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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